Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
