i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
