so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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