Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
