Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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