Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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