Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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