Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
