Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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