I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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