I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
