he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
