I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
