And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
