now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
