He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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