Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize