i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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