YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
