I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
