I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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