Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
