he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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