I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
