Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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