Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
