She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hippo gnu deer
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
