so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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