Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
