I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
