just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
