She's JV to your varsity
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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