He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
