It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
