so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
