he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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