So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
