My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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