remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
