Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
