i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
