I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize