My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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