Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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