it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize