i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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