Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
