New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
