I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
