i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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