He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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