yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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