she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
