low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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