worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
