um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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