ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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