The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I love black thongs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
