I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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