i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize