Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
