I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
