I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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