I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize