my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize