ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
