you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
