Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
