i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im holly from the hills drunk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
