So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
smell my finger.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
